One year ago today, I published my first post on this blog. A brief message, to myself more than anyone, imbued with longing and resolve, vowing, in the year to come, to change. A promise to begin anew in the new year, and a prayer for the strength and the patience to do that.
Rereading that post now, I remember, so vividly, where I was when I wrote it, and what I was feeling: frustration, exhaustion, regret on one hand, but on the other, excitement and motivation. A kind of mindful, mature sense of self-awareness. I felt, for the first time, maybe ever, really sure of what I wanted (and what I didn’t), and confident that it was the right thing. And I felt ready to start the journey to achieve it.
Now, 12 months later, I feel a genuine sense of pride and appreciation that I am able to return here and say that I accomplished precisely what I set out to in 2018.
And so, on this New Year’s Day, as one chapter closes and another opens, I just want to put down in words that I hope that 2019 brings for me, and for anyone who might be reading this, the only things I think any of us can really ask for: peace, joy and fulfillment, however we each define them. More love. More passion. More knowledge. More creativity. More life.
As always, like Bridget Jones, I have a lot of plans for 2019, and a lot of goals and resolutions. Read more books, a lot more. Waste less time on the internet. Practice my French. Finally learn Spanish. Exercise more. Be more thoughtful and vulnerable and less judgmental and prone to envy. Watch more foreign films. Keep up with my scrapbooks. Pay off my credit cards. Finish one screenplay and begin another. Find nice, sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workoholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts. Etc., etc.
Whether I accomplish any or all of these goals, and I hope that I will, or not, I hope more than anything that I am able to carry the same sense of purpose, determination and belief in myself that I began 2018 with into 2019, and that the coming year will be just as fruitful and rewarding as the last one was. More, even. I’m aiming high. Here’s hoping that in another 12 months I’ll be returning here to report back that I am feeling as grateful and as gratified with how 2019 turned out as I am feeling right now.